The things to remember: Part One, In the beginning

I have now joined the ranks of millions of others who love composing the chronicles of their lives. For me, it's for posterity's' sake and for friends and family members who just aren't close enough to hug every day. I believe we all have a testimony to share with our lives and hopefully this blog will be a lot about that. Having a journal allows me to see the miracles God is working in my life as it happens and, that He cares about every detail. Being able to remember trials God has brought me through gives me hope by seeing how he answered my prayer. These lessons I want to never forget. I have been loving my sister-in-law Valerie's blog. Because there are too many miles between us, that is pretty much how I have gotten to know my little nephew, Braxton (Brax for short). That's definitely a future Major Leaguer's name right? Even though I have only hugged him a couple of times, I feel like I know him through his mommies eyes. Val is such a great mom, you can see that from her blog! And oh man, I can't wait to meet my future new nephew/niece. More on that as soon as we know who he/she is going to be.

My husband Joe and I have 4 children combined. Since my blog is about my family I will be introducing us to you. I have a few good stories to tell =). I thought I had my life all planned out. As it turned out it did not happen at all the way I planned. I was going to graduate high-school, go to a great university (OU Sooners baby) and be in a sorority like all my friends. Then I'd graduate with a degree and start my fabulous career. Sometime in the middle of the college and career years I was just sure I was going to meet my prince charming. And boy was the laundry list of traits l wanted in a man long and totally unrealistic. Only God knew I was going to take the LONG route before I found out there is no such thing as perfect people no matter how hard we try.

To tell it right, my story starts with my oldest child, over 20 years ago. On July 4th, 1988 I found out I was pregnant. I got married about 3 weeks later. I had just turned 17 years old in May and I thought I was so in love. My first everything. Now, I was a teenage wife and mom and I was in my senior year of high school! There was only one or two other moms in my whole school that I knew of. I felt totally alone. There was no one I could talk to that could really understand what I was going through. I knew my friends could not relate to me anymore and to some degree I could not relate to them either. I definitely did not fit in with parents whose kids were my son's age. It was a lonely time for sure. Tyler's dad and I tried to do the best we could. Neither of us (like most teenagers) could truly fathom what "forever" meant but I think we thought we were in love and we were giving it our best effort. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I remember feeling completely numb. I felt like I was dreaming, just floating through each day. It was a lot like watching someone elses life, someone I didn't know. It was surreal. I was just going through the motions of planning a wedding. You would think I'd be excited about picking out stainless patterns, linens and china. I didn't even have a clue about what colors I wanted. Somehow I didn't feel it mattered. It was more than I could process at the time. My mom helped me narrow down the choices and make the final decisions. The responsibility we took on to be young married parents was overwhelming for both of us, but speaking for myself that is what made me work harder. I felt too many things were happening at once and I had no control anymore. I had to find the things I could control and focus on those things. That was hard to do in the midst of everything I was facing. I realized I could: take care of my son, work, go to school and be as successful at those things as possible. I felt like I had something to prove to the world. Always eager for approval and to please others; I needed to show everyone I met I still had a future just like my peers. I pushed myself hard to behave responsibly and show that being a teen mom was not a waste of perfectly good potential. I knew the statistics and they were not good for most teen moms. That was not going to be me though. I was not defined by what I was, but who I was and I strove to be seen as an exception to the rule. I wanted to be as adult and as responsible as I could be. I graduated high school with all my peers, I still made straight A's that year! I started college in June right after graduation, instead of having a free summer like a lot of college bound kids. I also took an EKG tech position in the Cardiopulmonary dept. at the hospital. I wanted to work in the hospital to help me decide which medical career was best for me. That decision influenced the career choice to be a nurse..... I knew there was absolutely nothing I couldn't do! When my marriage dissolved in my sophomore year of college, that determination kept me going, for my son.

I had many life experiences, and good and bad choices, that changed me and grew me in profound ways. My parents and my ex-in-laws were key in helping me to succeed. They kept me and Tyler grounded and I believe neither me nor Tyler would be where we are without their help and positive influence. I think Tyler is one of the most emotionally stable kids I know. I will be forever grateful to them for their love an support. They were God's angles in my life when I needed them most. That is what parents are and I learned from them. Tyler's dad has always been involved in his life and they are very close. Being a young mom grew me up earlier than my peers, but I would not change a thing. I learned that it's easier to make bad choices when our faith is not strong. For me, it often came as a result of trying to put someone else before myself and what I knew was right. Like a lot of people, I used to keep a mental list of things I would never do. You now what they say about saying "I will never do ____". Well, I somehow walked right into quite a few of those webs. I had yet to recognize how the enemy tempts us with lies, and believing those lies keeps us from considering the consequences of our decisions. I learned much later in life that if we are not careful, sin or mistakes or whatever you chose to call it, lurks in the shadows of the seemingly innocent things, and without the Holy spirit to guide us, we fall for the lies. What we end up with takes us places we never thought we'd go and costs us more than we could ever imagine. That could not be more true. We all make mistakes, and if we think to look back, we see clearly where the temptation came from. Honestly, I would not change a thing because God used those bad decisions for good. He got my attention and I am wiser because of it. I realized I needed Jesus to be my savior and Lord of my life...and nothing could be better.than that God has taken the bad (choices) in my life and turned them into beautiful blessings, so many times over, I can't count! I am so amazed by God's wonderful grace and mercy :-).

And now, I can't believe it! I am going to be 38 in May and Tyler turned 20 years old on January 20th! My sweet, dear baby of my youth. He's the only person on the planet who I can say is not only my child, but I grew up with him too! He knows me almost as well as I know myself. He's been there through it all. He even walked me down the isle when I married the man I prayed so long for! He's really not a child anymore though. I miss all the stages as he grew. He was a really good baby. I remember I prayed for God to give me an easy baby because I knew I could only handle so much! He was always happy except when he had colic. Gosh that seems like yesterday! I feel like I should still be 28!

Tyler decided to come into the world 6 weeks early. I didn't even get to finish the Lamaze classes! I was sitting in my room at my desk. It was about 11:30pm and I was finishing my Trigonometry homework. (Gotta love trig). I had been having a lot of braxton hicks contractions all day long. Kevin was watching TV. After a while, I finished my homework and walked around the house. It felt better walking than to sit. I tried to find a comfortable positoin. The discomfort never eased. I had been having low back pain, but that was expected. I had just been to the OB earlier that day for a check up. He said the baby was not all the way down into position yet. He never expected that I would deliver early because most first pregnancies go at least 40 weeks. But I had a feeling I would deliver early because I came 6 weeks early when I was born. I remember being dilated at 2 cm that afternoon. Doc said that it should be at least several weeks before I delivered. At about 12:30 pm I kept pacing and I had pressure like I needed to go to the bathroom. I kept sitting on the potty and expecting relief. I knew pregnancy was uncomfortable, but I was not sure it was true labor since he was my first. But, it was labor and it was moving fast, only I did not know it yet. I took a bath. Delivery was 6 weeks away, so I thought it would be alright. It did not relax me anyway. I went to bed to try and rest. I had learned the braxton hicks contractions would calm down with rest. They didn't. I could not sleep at all. I could not find a comfortable position and the pain was getting more intense and they were lasting longer. I woke Kevin up and we started timing the contractions to see if they were regular and how far apart they were. At around 3 am I went into my mom's room and told her I was having some really strong and regular contractions. They were now about 3 minutes apart. I got to the hospital and the ER doctor sent me straight to the L & D floor all within a few minutes. Once in my room they placed the monitors on me and my belly and checked my cervix. They were surprised I was already dilated at 8! No false labor here! My water had not broken yet. Tyler was still too high. I did not even have time for my epidural! They told me I was doing really well, but at this point it was too late for an epidural so I had no choice but to have a natural birth. I think I would have freaked out with the needle used to place the epidural anyway. I am a nurse and I hate needles when pointed at my body! It had been causing me a lot of anxiety thinking about the damage that needle could cause if not done just right! My nice doctor came right away and by 5 am I was in the delivery room. They broke the water and were concerned about the cord getting around his neck. Things looked good. I was given some Demerol to ease the pain right before I pushed. I pushed 5 times and my Tyler Wayne was in my arms at 5:40 am. He was so small and pink! I was really thinking how hard it would have been to push him out if he had been full term but he was so small it was almost easy. He had a beautiful round face and lots of black hair. He was short and only weighed 4lb 7 oz. Just what I weighed when I was born! Remember he came 6 weeks early like I did too! He had some trouble breathing so they took him to the NICU to be closely monitored. He did well on O2. Since he was early and his lungs weren't fully ready to breath air, he had some apnea and they needed to monito his breathing. He looked so small and delicate. He had a lot of lanugo on him (hair). Most premies have that, but it falls off before birth when babies are full term. I could not believe he was mine! I was overwhelmed with emotion. It was the most incredible thing ever. A new life was created! It still moves me to think God allows us to be a part of creating another life! We went in to feed him that week as much as we could. He had to learn how to suck on the bottle. We learned so much from those nurses and the grandparents were there with us all the time. The nurses nicknamed him "spike" for his black spiked hair. He was just so small and compact and cute. He was strong and was doing so well. He had a stubborn personality from the start. He was always placed on his tummy. (That was when tummy was how you put them to sleep). He hated it and was strong enough to half roll his little body onto one side pushing with his knees and feet and his rump in the air. The NICU nurses fell in love with him and were sad to see him go. Once we got home, no matter how we placed him in the crib, he would try to roll onto his side. We finally just propped him up with a rolled up blanket on his side and he liked that best. He came home with a monitor for apnea for about 2-3 months. He never had one episode though. I was afraid of SIDS and I would get up in the middle of the night just to check on him even though the monitor had an alarm. I just had to make sure he was ok. They knew even less about SIDS then. Thank God he was healthy being so early and so small. Everything was normal and as it should be except his tummy. He had colic and spitting up.

From there, he grew well and caught up to his size and weight by 2 years old. We battled frequent tonsillitis and at 2 1/2 years old, he had them removed. After that he was we had no more illnesses. He imitated everything his uncle Mike did. They were best buds. For the first year of our marriage we lived with my parents. My brother turned 12 the year Tyler was born. After I graduated high school, we moved into our own place. We were always over at my parents or my in-laws. Tyler is close with all his uncles. Greg, Leo and his aunt Shelley too. He was the center of attention most of the time. He gained a love for sports from watching his dad, uncles and grandfathers. My brother Mike was into playing basketball and baseball and when Tyler could finally drag a bat or pick up the basketball, he was in the middle of all the guys. He thought he was as big as they were and all of Mike's teammates and friends loved having Tyler around. They called him little buddy. He was everyone's little buddy! He would drag the bat to the dugout thinking he was really a part of the team. The bat was almost twice as tall as he was! He took it VERY seriously. When he could finally fit into the smallest T-ball pants they made we got 'em and later, cleats too. He had to wear them to EVERY game. He was there with my parents for most every game because I was either in school, studying or working. I don't think he missed me! He was in heaven. The players enjoyed having him around and they called him their mascot. He continues to this day to love baseball.

From the time he could talk, and he started young, I would be in line at the grocery store, or picking him up from soccer or school, or wherever, and people would ask about him. He drew attention everywhere he went. Not because of bad behavior. But because he was so dang charming and could make conversation with anybody! He never knew a stranger! Funny, cause now, it's hard to even get him to talk! I always called him "my little man" because after my divorce, he was the main man in my life. It was just a nickname our family used. Anyway, I would get asked all the time if he was my little brother, or someone I was babysitting and he'd say with a smile, "no, that's my mommy"! Of course I was never, ever ashamed. I was proud of my precious blond headed hazel eyed boy. I would explain that he was all mine, and people were always impressed. I don't know if it was me they were intrigued with or my handsome, friendly, articulate little boy! Next they would ALWAYS ask me,"how old are you? You look too young to have a child that age"! Glowing with pride I would telling them that I had him at 17. I always added, "and I can't believe that when I'm 38 he's going to be 20"! That always put things in perspective for them! All the time, people would encourage and admire me for doing what all parents do, teach their kids how to behave and use manners! I enjoyed hearing how well behaved and polite Tyler was or how cute and smart he was. I would not take all the credit though. I was so fortunate to have help raising him. Kevin was as involved as a busy working student could be. Because of my school, work and study schedule, Ty spent a lot of time with both sets of his grandparents but mostly mine. I had felt from the beginning that no matter what happened with me and Kevin, we would always put Tyler first and give him the most stable life we could. I never said bad things about Kevin in front of him and we never had arguments in front of him. I wanted him to respect me and his dad and have as normal a life as we could give him, no matter if we were together or divorced. Being divorced is hard enough, but showing ill feelings about your ex puts the children in the middle and they get confused and feel torn which creates fear, mistrust and instability.

Ty is a sophomore in college now, and is playing outfield on a baseball scholarship. He still loves baseball. If he could have his dream it would be to play pro. I don't care what he does, I could not be more proud of my little man! I love him so very, very much. Sometimes I still can not believe how far we've come!